I put these up so I can easily find them and Recall them. My Memory has a Missing rhythm to It. It skips like a scratched record or DVD. If I can not see, hear, feel, or smell what is supposed to happen next. I get lost for a time.
If I can not with my other senses get a feel for the next line in the memory. I will keep skipping back over to the beginning or totally lose the thought. That is why my posts all look like an encyclopedia thank GOD for Wikipedia.
It has been this way for me since I was about five or six years old. When I fell down a flight of stairs at my Grandparents house. I always wanted to be near my Grandfather as a child and one day he was working in the basement with the door open and the gate locked.
It was one of those fold up gates we would use to keep a pet out today. It was not every strong. Plus Grandma was there cooking lunch otherwise the door would have been close and I would have been watching TV.
I would always stand at the door and call down to him when he was working in the basement. That was long before he got his garage. He would come out from the shadows and call back up to me. It was like a game. One day I was standing there and we were talking and then he left my line of sight.
At the same time grandma had turned to the refrigerator for something. I decided to climb upon the gate and it came unlatch and it swung back against the wall and toss me out unto the steps.
I bounced down the steps one by one. According to my Grandma. She said; when she would recall the story. I hit every step on the way down with my head. Until I landed head first and hard enough for her to hear the sound of my head hitting on the concrete floor. She would even after all that time get goosebumps when she told the story.
Ever since then I have not been able to recall things like songs, or jingles or poems. Unless singing with someone or seeing the words or with the aid of another one of my five senses.
I write Poetry today but I could never from memory alone recall a poem I myself have created.
I must read them. But I have never been a very good reader out loud as I am dyslectic I often times confuse the words. I read very well silently in my head but struggle out-loud.
I am practicing again to read out loud. As to try and get some type of Rhythm back. So that it appears as I am remembering from memory. As I assume you all can and do.
Since my divorce I had stopped doing the things I needed to do to appear "normal" or to be able to recall at will, with ease.
So this is why I use Wikipedia.org as my own teleprompter.
It makes it very hard to rehearse and speak without physical aids. Say if I were to try and give a rehearsed speech. Even after many hours of trying to memorize the speech that I myself have written,.
It is impossible for me to give without notes, props, or music. Or some type of aid. For without aid I cannot recall what comes next.
This had gotten worst for me as I said: because I stopped doing the things I need to do to be able to recall things seamlessly.
As for this my condition it was well hidden unto the first grade. Because of my dyslexia. To most people they often times think that I am not paying them attention. When in fact I am creating a whole new dimension of them in my mind That is if I do find them of interest.
My Ex-would often say to me things like "So you were paying attention to me" and "you did hear what I had said". Yes my dear more so than you'll ever know.
Now for some odd reason I have been told by others when I am a bit over intoxicated I can recite every jingle know to man and will do if prompted.
I couldn't say if that is true because If I do get that badly intoxicated. It is for me like being abducted by aliens. I'll end up with missing time. As if that night never had happen. So I do not let myself get that intoxicated anymore. Because I so Hate that feeling.
Oh Well Enough of my Ramblings here. I got to get back to work.
Somebody Come and Play In the Traffic With Me! Earn as You Learn, Grow as You Go!
The Man Inside the Man
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Sinbad the Sailor Man
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JMK's Production
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Donnie/ Sinbad the Sailor Man
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